Biden: Canada Has WMDs and is Harboring Terrorists
Over two weeks ago, President Biden informed the American people he ordered an invasion of Canada, which according to a White House spokesman is “going better than expected, despite the break during the Olympics.”
In his address, the president stated the invasion’s goal was to take Canada’s free healthcare. After various European countries swore to support Canada in the war, President Biden provided more reasons for the invasion.
“This invasion is about more than free healthcare, though securing that for the American people is vital and is the final goal of my presidency,” President Biden said in another address today. “But there is more to this invasion than that. The Canadians have weapons of mass destruction and according to the CIA were planning to use them against our country. Also, they are harboring terrorists.”
With this statement, President Biden has played one of the biggest reserve Uno cards ever seen on the international stage. Now the Europeans are singing a different tune. European leaders who once declared unrelenting support for Canada have come out and said they will not get involved in North American affairs.
“I know Canada is a Commonwealth nation and is nominally attached to Britain,” British Prime Minister Keir Starmer said in a recent public statement. “But the Canadians are harboring terrorists and we can’t defend a country harboring terrorists.”
“I thought Canada was a largely peaceful nation and as such I promised Germany would do everything to end the American invasion,” German Chancellor Olaf Scholtz said in a recent interview. “But today we learned the peaceful image of Canada, which so many of us had, is false. The Canadians have been amassing weapons of mass destruction intending to use them against their American neighbors.”
“I didn’t want to tell the American people the real reason for the invasion,” President Biden said in a recent interview with ABC. “I didn’t handle the Canadian betrayal too well. When I learned our northern neighbors were harboring terrorists and amassing piles of WMDs I didn’t think the American public would handle it well.”
So, the president decided to give the “secondary reason” for the invasion “taking Canada’s free healthcare.”
However, some doubt whether Canada does have WMDs and is harboring terrorists. Famous conspiracy theorist Billy the Boy Bob said on his show today he doesn’t “believe Canada has WMDs or is harboring terrorists.” The Boy went on to say “Biden is making the whole thing up” so the president can “justify his invasion and have the Europeans back off.”
Regardless of conspiracy theories, the American people do not care about whether the claims about Canada harboring terrorists and having WMDs are real.
“This isn’t the early 2000s,” some random guy on Twitter said. “No one I know is concerned with Canada having WMDs and harboring terrorists. What people care about is getting their hands on Canada’s free healthcare.”
The Tweet supports a recent Gallop poll found that 94% of Americans held “enthusiastic” support for the invasion when President Biden gave “securing free healthcare” as the reason. But the number of “enthusiastic” supporters dropped to 72% just hours after President Biden announced America was invading Canada because the Canadians are harboring terrorists and possess WMDs.
Despite enthusiasm for the invasion dropping, if Billy the Boy is correct and President Biden has lied about the WMDs and the terrorists to prevent the Europeans from entering the war, then the president has made one of the greatest foreign policy moves in American history. If President Biden successfully secures free healthcare for the American people, then he will be one of the greatest presidents in American history. Perhaps victory over Canada will give the president enough support to restart his reelection bid.
