Missile Tag Now Mid East Official Regional Sport
Israel and Iran shooting missiles at each other has proved the love Middle Eastern countries and terrorist groups have for firing rockets at one another. But now that love of missile launches has been taken to the next level with the Middle Eastern Sports Organization (MESO) declaring “missile tag” as the region's official sport.
“Missile strikes are as Middle Eastern as haggling over prices,” MESO chairman Muhammed bin Laden (no relation to that Osama guy) declared. “It has long been the favored pastime of the region, so we decided to make missile tag the official sport of the region.”
If firing missiles has become a sport, then what are the rules? Fortunately, MESO has posted the rules for missile tag on their website. Here they are, copied and pasted from MESO’s website.
1. All missiles are allowed except those carrying nuclear payloads.
2. Missiles can be fired on any day and at any time.
3. Targets can be either military or civilian.
4. Once the missiles have exploded in a country or a non-state actor’s (NSA) territory, that country or NSA is now “it” and must launch missiles within forty-eight hours or else be eliminated from the game.
5. Players cannot bomb anywhere that would cause a third World War or a region-wide conflict.
“Missile tag may not become an Olympic sport, but we are organizing a regional tournament for around this time next year,” bin Laden informed this credible newspaper. “We expect the Iranians and the Israelis to be top contenders and are happy to see that there’s already trash talk happening on social media.”
Despite bin Laden’s high hopes, the United Nations has decided to rain on MESO’s parade, buzz killing the whole Middle East in the process.
“We can’t allow for such a violent sport to be organized in such an unstable region of the world,” the UN Secretary General, António Guterres, said in a recent statement. “There’s enough war in the Middle East without making a sport about launching missiles, and I’m sure that the Security Council agrees with me.”
And that they do. President Trump has released a statement on TruthSocial saying “Missile tag in the Middle East is a VERY BAD idea,” which was liked by Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, Keir Starmer, and Emmanuel Macron.
“They’re just jealous that their countries don’t have a missile tag league,” Muhammed bin Laden told this legitimate newspaper.
When asked if he was concerned about the UN using force to stop MESO, Chairman bin Laden laughed and stated, “The UN never uses force.”
The United Nations may not use force, but the five permanent members of the Security Council (the United States, Russia, China, France, and Britain) aren’t afraid to.
“This country hasn’t fought a good, proper war in a while with us being friends with the French now, and the Germans having been pacified,” British Prime Minister Starmer said in an interview, clearly hinting that he would be fine with a war to stop MESO and their planned missile tag tournament.
President Macron has released a statement that if the UN decides to ban the upcoming missile tag tournament, then France will help enforce the decision. Presidents Putin and Xi have made similar statements.
President Trump has taken to TruthSocial and has unequivocally declared that “there will be no missile tag tournament” and the United States is “willing to do whatever is necessary” to prevent the tournament from happening.
Despite some of the most powerful countries in the world (along with Britain and France) declaring that the tournament will not happen, Chairman bin Laden isn’t concerned.
“If they don’t allow us to have the tournament,” bin Laden said, “then we’ll just cut off their oil.”