Support for Mickey Skyrockets After Trump’s 100 Days
President Donald “the Donald” Trump has passed the first hundred days of his second term. Our pollsters, who this credible newspaper has voted to be the best in the industry, conducted a poll to gauge the American people’s current support for the president. What they found was that of Americans polled, and they polled everyone regardless of political affiliations, age, gender, income level, or humanness (cats, dogs, zoo animals, wild animals, and cryptozoological animals such as Bigfoot were polled), fifty-seven percent approved of President Trump’s first hundred days.
Forty percent of those polled disapproved (the zoo animals were by far the most vocal, saying to our pollsters, “What’s Trump done for us? Nothing!” while Bigfoot said he disapproved of Trump’s “drill baby drill” policy because the drilling keeps him up at night.) The remaining three percent didn’t have an opinion on Trump’s first 100 days, or on him as president. These people were escorted to the nearest psych ward to be evaluated.
The current fifty-three percent support for Trump’s first hundred days starkly contrasts with the seventy-six percent of Americans polled who answered they were optimistic about Trump’s presidency during his first week in office. However, this support isn’t going to the Democrats; it's going to one of Trump’s old presidential rivals: Mickey Mouse.
Political support for America’s favorite mouse dropped to thirteen percent after his failed presidential campaign, of which his most die-hard supporters claim the election was stolen from him. However, now that President Trump has been in office for over a hundred days, the number of Americans who support Mickey for president is up to thirty-one percent.
“I never took Mickey seriously when he ran for president,” a woman trying to get her cat out of a tree said. “But I haven’t been happy with how Trump has been running things, so I looked up what Mickey’s proposed policies were, and I think they’re just what this country needs.”
“Trump’s not doing as good of a job as I thought he would,” a man chasing playing fetch with his job said. “I used to use a ball to play fetch with my dog, but since Trump started tariffing everything, balls have gotten so expensive and I can’t afford to buy one. So, I’m stuck using a stick to play fetch with a stick. I don’t know what cripple poverty is, but I’m pretty sure I’m in it. At least with how much money I’m saving from not buying so many balls, I can give my butler a raise.”
Despite gaining support, Mickey Mouse is not optimistic about his chances in 2028 if he decides to run again. “I appreciate the increased support, but when I debated Biden and Trump, I blew them both out of the water,” Mr. Mouse said. “And after that debate, I thought for sure, 2024 was going to be the year that America would put a mouse in the house, but no, the billionaire with the spray tan beat me again. I don’t think things will change in 2028.”
The legendary mouse may be pessimistic, but if Trump continues to lose support and the Democrats do not gain any support, then our political analysts predict a Mickey win in 2028. However, Trump hasn’t even finished his first year as president, so he has plenty of time to increase his approval, and the Democrats can capitalize on that decrease. However, our analysts predict that if Mickey can capitalize on Trump’s diminishing approval rating, he could gain enough support to make a difference in the 2028 election if he decides to run.
But as of right now, the Mouse is done with politics. “Every four years, I run for president with millions of Americans supporting me, but I never win,” Mickey told TheFakeNewsGazette. “What’s the point of it all? Do you know how busy I am being the face of Disney and stepping into save the company when a human does something foolish? I barely find the time to run for president, and if I keep losing, which I do, then there’s no point in running in 2028.”
When pushed, the Mouse said he would run “if things got really bad.” Mr. Mouse didn’t say what qualified as “really bad.” However, we at this legitimate newspaper know precisely what he means: ice cream being made illegal.
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Oh, and while you’re still here, you should check out the presidential debate I made between Mickey, Biden, and Trump here: https://fakenewsgazette.substack.com/p/audio-presidential-debate-trump-biden?r=48r2l0. It’s voiced with AI, but I wrote every line myself. If you don’t like AI voices, you can read the debate here: https://fakenewsgazette.substack.com/p/presidential-debate-mickey-mouse?r=48r2l0. Thanks for reading!