Trump Happy Liberals Won; Canada Pulls Hockey Players
You might suspect President Trump is unhappy with how the recent Canadian elections have turned out. You would be wrong. The president has recently stated that he is “happy the liberals won” because it will be “a whole lot easier” to get them to join the Union as the fifty-first state. Canadians are outraged.
“I’ve voted liberal to spite Trump,” one angry Canadian told this credible newspaper. Another said they thought by voting Liberal, they were “making sure Canada wouldn’t join the U.S.”
But while the Canadians were trying to go against what Trump wanted, they fell right into his orange (and allegedly small) hands. If the Canadians had listened to Trump, they would have voted conservative.
“I said I didn’t care that much about the election,” Trump said in an interview. “But I did say that I preferred a liberal in Ottawa and that the conservative guy wasn’t a MAGA guy.”
“I thought he was using reverse psychology on us,” one Canadian, who voted liberal, lamented. “By voting for the government, I thought Trump didn’t want, I voted for the government he wanted.”
Millions of Canadians share this sentiment. A recent poll done by our professional pollsters found that out of all the Canadians who were interviewed, sixty-four percent voted for the party that they thought Trump would dislike the most.
In addition, President Trump has not stopped his rhetoric about turning Canada into the fifty-first state. The president has said in various interviews and statements that he thinks having a liberal government in Canada will make Canada’s transition into an American state “a lot easier.”
On the American side, the Democrats aren’t happy either that the Canadians voted for the government that Trump wanted. “I know that Canada thought they were doing the right thing, but I feel stabbed in the back,” said Senator Elizabeth Warren.
Her fellow senator from Vermont, Bernie “Feel the Bern” Sanders, shares a similar opinion. America’s favorite socialist millionaire has said, “I understand that Canadians thought they were going against Trump, but they have unknowingly played right into Trump’s hands.”
But how exactly will Trump get Canada to agree to become the fifty-first state? Through tariffs, of course.
“I will consider dropping the tariffs if Canada lowers theirs first or if they come to the negotiation table about becoming a state,” the president said. “Otherwise, the tariffs won’t go anywhere but up.”
Will the liberal government fold under the threats of increased tariffs? Not likely. Mark Carney, the Canadian Prime Minister, has had enough of Trump’s antics and has done something no one thought any Canadian prime minister would do: he’s ordered all Canadian hockey players in America to return home.
Soon, the National Hockey League will have no Canadians playing for American teams, no doubt leaving those teams with a shortage of players. American hockey fans claim Carney can’t do this, but the prime minister is firm in his decision.
“Canada will no longer be supplying the United States with hockey players until President Trump stops his fifty-first state rhetoric and lowers the tariffs,” Carney said in a televised speech.
However, President Trump isn’t concerned in the slightest, and in a televised speech, he once again proved that you can play no Trump card against Trump.
“I am very disappointed in Canada’s prime minister,” the president began. “He is calling all Canadian hockey players home, and millions of Americans are concerned about what this means for the NHL, including the owners of the American teams. So, to make sure the American teams have enough players, I am offering a presidential pardon and a work visa to any illegal immigrant who does not have a criminal record, if they can play hockey well and make it onto one of our hockey teams.”
Trump’s offer has shocked not only the nation but the world, and has shocked them into silence. No one, absolutely no one, would have thought that Trump would offer pardons and work visas to illegal immigrants, but the Canadians have forced his hand.
The question that remains to be seen is whether Trump is bluffing or not. However, the removal of Canadian hockey players from the United States has further strained American-Canadian relations.
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