Dagoth Ur Says TES:6 Development Going Well

With Bethesda's recent release of Oblivion Remastered, gamers worldwide wonder how the sixth game in the Elder Scrolls franchise is progressing. As TheFakeNewsGazette reported last year, the development of TES 6 is headed by Dagoth Ur, the antagonist of the third Elder Scrolls game, Morrowind.

“The speed at which these N’Wahs are developing the game has increased a thousandfold, since I’ve taken over,” Dagoth Ur told this credible newspaper. “How could you expect any less? For I am a god.”

However, with the recent release of the Oblivion remaster, gamers wonder whether Oblivion will be released as many times as Skyrim, the fifth game in the series, which has seen multiple releases. Lord Dagoth told this credible that it is “a grand and intoxicating innocence” to believe that Bethesda will rerelease Oblivion before the company remasters Morrowind, which is “the greatest Elder Scrolls game” and “far superior” to Oblivion, which is set in the heartland of “the mongrel dog Empire.”

While long term Elder Scrolls fans are freaking out about the possibility of a Morrowind remaster, no one else at Bethesda has confirmed Lord Dagoth’s statement. But the franchise’s most favorite antagonist has assured fans that “the N’Wahs at Bethesda wouldn’t be so foolish not to remaster Morrowind.”

That sent a wave of relief throughout the fandom. But a statement by Todd Howard, the former TES 6 lead developer and a bigwig at Bethesda, contradicts what Dagoth has said.

“We plan to release Oblivion seven times in the next five years,” Howard told an interviewer. “That way, while we keep releasing Oblivion, we’ll have the time to figure out how to make a Skyrim app that will work on smartphones and Samsung smart fridges.”

Howard’s words have sent Dagoth Ur into a ranting death spiral.

“What does he mean he will release Oblivion seven more times?” Dagoth asked our reporter. “The Empire isn’t worthy enough to have that many releases! And is Todd really trying to release Skyrim another time? The game’s filled with a bunch of barbaric Nord N’Wahs and there are too few Dunmer!”

According to inside sources at Bethesda, Howard is being honest, even about putting Skyrim on the Samsung smart fridge, which was a joke in the past. One anonymous employee told this credible newspaper that the company is “worried about TES 6” after Starfield didn’t become as big of a success as the company hoped.

“The bigwigs are making the safe decisions,” the employer said. “Which means doubling down on what has worked in the past, and we all know that means rereleasing Skyrim. But since the Oblivion remaster sold so well, it will be released more times too.”

But what about Morrowind, the game so beloved that Bethesda has made its antagonist the lead developer for The Elder Scrolls 6?

“The company doesn’t care about Morrowind,” revealed our inside source. “Those higher up the ladder believe Morrowind’s mechanics are severely outdated and the game’s story and lore might be too complex for modern gamers.”

“That’s nonsense,” Dagoth Ur said when he heard this. “Game mechanics can be modernized, and the story and lore aren’t too complex for the modern era. I am a god, so I know these things.”

Will there ever be a Morrowind remaster? According to Dagoth Ur, there will be.

“I don’t care if I have to make the remaster myself, which would be easy for me because I am a god,” Dagoth said. “Even if I weren’t a god, I bet I could single-handedly remaster the game because now that the Empire has left Morrowind, I have much more time on my hands.”

There you have it—a guarantee from Lord Dagoth that Morrowind will be remastered. The N’Wahs of this world can rejoice that the best Elder Scrolls game is being remastered.

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