LA Identifies as Mexican

The star of the show during the LA riots over ICE and Trump’s deportation policies wasn’t the people attacking LA cops, it wasn’t the looters, it wasn’t the people throwing stones from overpasses down onto cars on the expressway, and it wasn’t LA’s mayor or police chief. It wasn’t even President Trump, who wanted to deploy federal troops, who took center stage as he often does. No, the star of the riots was, without a doubt, the Mexican flag.

That’s right. A flag, not a person, is the face of the riots. This is because the city of Los Angeles no longer identifies as American; it identifies as Mexican. In a recent Gallup poll, 98.89% of Angelinos consider their city to be Mexican, not American. The other 1.11% of Angelinos identified with Canada, presumably because they think doing so will get them free healthcare.

It’s not just LA residents who identify their city with Mexico; it’s the city’s mayor, too. When pressed on why she didn’t want Trump to deploy federal troops to help stop the riots, Mayor Bass insisted that “LA identifies as Mexican” and because of that, the president didn’t have the authority to send in federal troops.

“I’m not even of Mexican descent,” one Angelino in a park told this credible newspaper. “But there are so many Mexican restaurants and food trucks in LA that I consider LA to be Mexican.”

“Honestly, I can’t go anywhere in the city without running into someone who is either Mexican or of Mexican descent, including Chinatown and Koreatown,” a pedestrian stepping over a homeless person to TheFakeNewsGazette. “So, I associate LA with Mexico.”

And it’s not just Angelinos who are identifying LA as Mexican; it’s also the Mexican government.

“All of the American Southwest, not just California, used to belong to Mexico,” Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum said in a recent interview. “It’s only right that the people of Los Angeles start to associate their city with Mexico.”

However, the American president has something to say about that. “LA used to be a great city in a great state,” Trump said. “Now, the Angelinos are confused, so very, very confused. I don’t understand how they think their city is Mexican when they live in such a great country. Not such a great city, but a great country.

“I don’t care how many Mexicans and people of Mexican descent live in the city. It looks like, to me, the education system in LA has failed. That’s the only way people would think an American city is Mexican.”

Trump was correct to bring up the number of Mexicans and people of Mexican heritage who are living in Los Angeles, but he was also correct to dismiss that as the cause for LA considering itself to be Mexican. TheFakeNewsGazette conducted a poll that included all of Los Angeles. The results were truly shocking. 76% of Hispanics (we don’t use the term “Latino,” read the article below to find out why) identified as Mexican. Meanwhile, 54% of Caucasians, 51% of African Americans, 48% of Asians, 45% of Middle Easterners, 43% of Pacific Islanders, and 41% of Native Americans self-identified as Mexican.

“This is unprecedented data,” Professor Lesley Reese, who teaches Political Science at the University of California Los Angeles, told this legitimate newspaper. “We all knew that there was a strong Mexican identity in LA, but no one would have expected that it would transcend ethnic and racial boundaries.”

It’s true, though. One of this credible news outlet’s dedicated journalists stated that he saw “Mexican flag bumper stickers” all over the city and on cars whose drivers and passengers “were clearly not Mexican.”

Currently, there is no movement for LA to secede from the United States and be annexed by Mexico, but our world-renowned analysts have read the tea leaves and said that’s in the future. And, of course, there will be more rioting, which is on track to become LA’s most popular sport.

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